Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Oh god it's open bar.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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