i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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