ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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