It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
