Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
