did you get engaged???
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
