Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
