CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My vagina is very pro this idea
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
