Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
