it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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