Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
