last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
