so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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