Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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