I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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