I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
