i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
