New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
