They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
