It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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