I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
