I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
