how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize