once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
