Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sext me about skeletons
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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