Church boner. Awkwardddd
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Panties = found
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