we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize