Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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