You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
