It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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