Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
