Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
