I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
