I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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