Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
