I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
