You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
