I think my fart just growled at me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
