your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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