I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize