Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just want to make out with him forever
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
