Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
