Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
