The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
