so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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