I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Buhtt sex?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
