does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
