Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
