I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
