you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
