Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We left an ass print on the piano.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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