Already got asked if we're dating
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
