i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
