Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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