You made me cry and you don't even care
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize