Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
