He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Nobody cheats on THIS.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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