hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
