I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
