look no pants
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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