i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize