I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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