We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
