she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
