Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
