I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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