Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Then you guys just all showered together...?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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