U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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