I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
