I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
